run away

its been a while, for i had been exhausted daily after starting work with the part time stint. 

yet, it had been strangely gratifying to have a goal daily.

perhaps i've missed feeling that way.

its been weird... the work politics, the gossip that arises, and the human relations that i've witnessed.

feels like a really long time ago since i've seen and experienced the above at this level, not to say that the work that i had been involved with lacked all the above spices to make everything more "interesting", yet things happen at different paces and over different issues.

the short stint has made me so much more aware of how much i enjoy being involved in the industry, even at such a mere level.

and with cny just tomorrow, reality hits home pretty close... and i was reminded that i had to return to beijing at some point of time to tie up the loose ends.

*sighs#

i wish i could just stay in denial.

i'm going to be your favourite sales girl

this afternoon during lunch, didi and i were catching up on the goings-on of the last couple of months.

and i think we have started a support group for women that have partners that can spend an entire day shopping for themselves, but at the mere utterance of a slight detour along to shop for something else that we want, our partners start to fidget, get impatient and pull faces that are longer than a donkeys'.

its the all too familiar of "what part of together did i not understand?" experience.

and we have come to the conclusion that partners just don't get it.

*sighs#

so starting this thursday, i will be working...

well, part-time for the moment for 2 weeks to while away my time.

and to contribute to the new-phone-fund.

i'm saving for a new phone and am completely undecided between the iphone and the blackberry bold, since i've learnt that the Nokia E71 had suddenly died on my friend.

*confused#

and i'll be stationed at Millenia Walk at Tyan, which carries the labels Christian Lacroix, Vivienne Westwood, Betty Barclay, Vivienne Tam and the likes...

the pay is miserable, and the commission even more so... but its the bazaar shop and i hope that might spur expenditure amidst this gloomy economic times.

yet its nice to feel useful... and i'm actually really looking forward to it.

this new year seems to be kicking off to a nice start... just like how it seems that people are really enjoying Dressed to Kill and its really motivating to know that.

i just really hope that the good feelings will stay that way.

i still think of you so much and it simply hurts too much

This brand new day to the year is greeting me with overcast skies...

the temperatures are cool... but it looks like it would be ready to pour any moment.

and as i sit infront of my laptop and go through the pictures in my memory stick of my trusty, but very dimwitted Nikon Coolpix S51, i can't help but tear when the pictures of burberry and mantou show up.

even though i might never have kids of my own... i suppose i now understand at least to a minimum degree how it feels to be a parent, and being torn away from my own. 

from the little pup of 2 months he was when i first purchased mantou in January this year...

to the handsome lad he was when i had to let go...

and losing him though not as traumatic as when burberry was lost... still hurts me to the core.

it will be almost a year since i've lost burberry, and mantou has turned one recently.

i miss both my boys just too much... and hope that they're doing fine.

*sniffles#

no regrets, but its nice to look back

i can hardly believe that it was only a year ago when i made my last new year's eve blog entry.

i realised upon reading the next few entries of early 2008 that i had not made any resolutions for the year... perhaps because i didn't make much of any reflection when the year 2007 had came to an end.

but i came across an entry... which put a smile to my face and even though i have to admit that i'm not quite there yet with that someone, i've never come this close.

yet that being said, i have recognised that 2008 has been absolutely life-altering for me. i had made so many resolutions in the years of past, but perhaps the one year that i had not set any standards for myself has yielded the most for me.

and this year, i managed to do things for myself:-

• sometime in August, i made the decision that i could be happy if i gave myself (as well as Little Miss Naughty) a chance, and i had packed most of my belongings and returned home. but i had to give up the one thing that would remain loyal to me come-what-may and i still want to cry whenever i think of him.
  
  
• take a break including holidays that involved shopping, food, sunshine, and scenic excursions and were made not only because there were meetings to be attended to.
  
  
• making more visits to Kim Robinson in this year more than i have in the entire duration i've been their client because being beautiful takes more effort than rolling out of bed.
  
  
• a job application i believed could be quite the dream come true, because people believed in me to encourage my application, and because the benefits of that job would help put some perspective in my bank account. 
  
  
• renewing and cementing friendships with people i would never have thought would appear in my life [a & b] , and losing one that quickly became the fren-emy. 
  
  
• start exercising again... what more do i need to add besides that slight weight loss occurred just so easily after that?
  
  
• experiment with new hairstyles, which included me tying it all up and in a bun. Me of years pass could probably never imagine myself doing that, and wearing so little makeup out either.
  
  
• began to take my life a little more seriously than i'd care to admit.
  
  
• a pet project that brings out the biaAaaatch in me.

and i could never be able to do all of this if not for the love and support of my friends, family and loved ones.

thank you for 2008 and i hope that 2009 will be more memorable for other things than earthquakes, economical crises, melamine incidents, frozen railway tracks in china prior to CNY, amongst others.

farewell 2008... hello 2009!

selection still in process

with the Christmas festivities almost all over... its time to usher in 2009.

and i'll have to do my reflections when i sit down and not have so much junk food in me.

i'd have to admit that this year though full of disasters, both man-made and natural, have been otherwise a year of eventful twists and turns for me.

the last six months have especially been life-changing.

and as i logged on to the WHO website today to check that goddamned application, i was relieved to see that the words "selection in process" was highlighted still in purple.

which probably means that they'll get around to it after the new year.

and i definitely have some loose ends to tie up when i can finally settle in and not be in such a festive mood.

i wonder where 2009 will lead me... and i hope with fingers crossed on both hands that it could be somewhere.

being true to oneself

i have been a huge fan of Debra messing since Will and Grace... and was devastated when it all had to come to an end.

and with all that time on my hands, i've been surfing for new series to watch.

having finished all the latest seasons or kept up to date with the latest episodes of Ugly Betty, Damages, House, America's Next Top Model, Cashmere Mafia, Desperate Housewives... and when Mad Men took too long to load...

i got pretty desperate myself... when i chanced upon The Starter Wife on the golden globes website for its nominations.

the show starts out like when one draws The Wheel of Fortune from a deck of Tarot cards... when the life of the wife of an established film producer falls into pieces, and she has to start everything over again and learn how to adapt.

The Starter Wife celebrates friendships, relationships, and being true to oneself.
and thats probably something to bear in mind for the coming year...

as i have yet to start thinking about it yet... 

BUT...

i've started a new project to occupy my time with, and it celebrates other things... or not. 

it all depends on how you look at it.

*evil grins#

so hop on over to Dressed to Kill for updates.

i hope you had a delightful Christmas this year, because by far... its the best i've had in years.

no one has feelings that are more important than anothers'

the weeks just seem to fly by... and its been three months that i've been back in Singapore.

and i've been putting my time to good use, i'd think.

especially my culinary skills...

shrimp omelette, garlic nai-bai stir-fry, brinjal and minced beef spicy stir-fry

sunny side up eggs, black pepper pan-fried chicken, chinese spinach with garlic stir-fry, fried rice

i enjoy being in the kitchen, and cooking up simple meals that are devoured eagerly makes all the effort worth its while.

but on xmas eve, dinos will be doing the cooking, and i can't wait for curry chicken and fried beehoon! not your typical christmas fare of turkey or ham, but i love local food, and localising christmas fare makes spending christmas in Singapore all the more worthwhile... christmas gifts aside.

regardless of what i'll get this year, i'm sure it'll come in handy.

but honestly, i just can't wait for christmas day itself... because six is a lucky number.

Beyond Randomness

randoms thoughts during random moments inspired by Gerhh. 

the idea is to write 16 random thoughts... and on facebook, we're supposed to tag 16 people with the note, including the people that tagged you... so here goes nothing!

1. i can not sit still and not do anything ELSE when watching TV, be it doing cross-stitch, being on the laptop or even reading a magazine or the papers.
   
   
2. it was only till 2 years ago that i have begun to learn how to be comfortable with who and what i am.
   
   
3. i can not stand bad table manners. 
   which includes burping without any attempt to be apologetic; slurping, as well as making all sorts of noises when chewing food; dropping food all over...
   
   
4. there is an awful tendency for me to slap the legs of people i am familiar with that like to shake their legs which irritate the hell out of me. 
   
   
5. i am completely fascinated by chow chows... and miss mine dearly.
   
   
6. i believe that tears are not a sign of weakness, because i cry when i get so awfully frustrated and angry as well, but then again, i could cry watching MTVs, commercials, movies and TV. 
   
   
7. it really could happen if i tried hard enough, my singing/screaming might be able to shatter glass.
   
   
8. there are very few vivid recollections of anything that happened in my life before the age of 12, and even after that, i don't think i have much long-term memory of life thereafter.
   
   
9. contrary to the disbelief of many people, i am not a pai gia.
   i didn't smoke my first cigarette till i was 23, and i hate the taste of alcohol and i have never yet tried any dope in any form.
   
   
10. i like things pink... but i think i pretend because most of the time to be girly as i age. i love red, but am not really adventurous in trying to wear it. 90% of my basic wardrobe is in black, navy blue, grey and white.
    
    
11. looks can be very deceiving because i can cook, sew and love handicraft. i just hate to clean.
    
    
12. there is this awful tendency for me to withdraw into my shell whenever i feel that there is a chance i might be a hindrance or unneccessary accessory in life.
    
    
13. i have only ever had one... okay... maybe two regrets in my entire life. One, to be at the carpark at the hospital when my dad passed away, and two, to have stayed all that long in Beijing.
    
    
14. when it comes to work... i can wipe out any challenges or person(s) that come my way. when its personal, confrontations that make me feel stupid, silly, the "one" that did every wrong, just make me run away.
    
    
15. Saying "Sorry" in serious circumstances is an awfully difficult word to get out of me. i am stingy in that department. 
    
    
16. i have been extremely lucky in life. as my mom says, "i leave my life in the hands of God". i believe that the friends and family starring in this mini drama have made my life worth living for. 

so there you go... 16 randoms tidbits about myself.

santa claus is coming to town!!!

you know that Christmas is round the corner when...

Ugly Christmas decorations litter the streets and malls of Singapore...

when even the mistletoe follows you wherever you go as you transcend borders...

you have a Christmas wreath infront of your car...

Christmas is just a weekish away... with all the economic gloom, even the sales signs on the shop fronts serve little to excite me.

yet shopping for loved ones is always something that i look forward to.

i don't expect everyone to understand that its not the spending that excites me, but the fact that much thought and consideration is taken into for each item, and the very idea of how the item will be enjoyed which puts the smile on my face.

i hadn't expected that it could be such a chore for some.

and that had bothered me the entire weekend.

it would be hard for everyone to share my sort of enthusiasm, for i hate the crowded malls and the endless queues at the cashier as much as everyone else.

but it was the thought of getting gifts together that i was looking forward to.

perhaps it was disappointing that we had different definitions of together, and that it suited you whenever you felt like it.

we both wear our emotions on our sleeves, but i had been looking forward to the weekend for an entire week, and to know that that was all the effort that i was worth was withering.

only at that point of time, i had realised the before-mentioned illustrated extent of self-centredness.

sometimes one can love oneself too much to honestly care.

bête noire!

i find all tattletales complete low-lifes.

some "member of the public" has caused me to lose one of my favourite blog haunts and past times.

and the horrendous ordeal that "victim" had to go through, and i can hardly see the need to justify for all that had been blogged about.

so for the life of it... you loose mouth with flabby cheeks, narrow-minded, nothing-better-to-do communist of a person... SHAME ON YOU.

who did you think you were even?

CIA?

FBI?

INTERPOL?

BIAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaTCH?

i curse the day that you were born!!!

this reminded me of another tale about a PLHIV (People Living with HIV) story that was related by E during the recent Singapore AIDS Conference.

he was teaching part-time curriculum at a school when someone called up the school and told the principal of his HIV status!

*GASP#

E was immediately fired and when he reported at another school to give classes, he was dismissed from that school with no reason given.

apparently, the tattletale had called all the schools that E taught at and divuldged about E's HIV status to the principals.

Don't people honestly have better things to do?!

i believe in karma.

it will come and bite you so hard that you will lose your limbs one day and all other aural, oral, and brain faculties... you detestable anathema!